Dealing With Disappointment - David Eisenstein

this is a cut-and-paste of an article orginally posted at but it has so revolutionized my thinking and character that i want to have a personaly copy kept around long after it's outdated and purged from the host site. i'm hoping the author will understand that i'm not stealing anything, but rather i'm honoring him with this tremendous article.

Dealing With Disappointment - David Eisenstein. March 18, 2008
When I was eight I wanted a Hot Wheels racetrack set for my birthday. I made very sure my parents knew I wanted this by reminding them every day for months beforehand. I could hardly sleep the night before as I imagined playing with my new toy. I raced through the day, hardly pausing to breathe much less enjoy my party and my friends and relatives who gathered to celebrate. After the cake I ripped up wrapping paper as quickly as I could but a small hill of paper and a few boxes later I was done and there was no Hot Wheels set. I think I moped around the house whining and crying "Why me?" for at least a week afterwards.

When I was twenty-five I met the girl of my dreams. I was living in Los Angeles and I worked part-time as a private tutor for some children of movie biz insiders and so I got to go to some big deal parties. I met her on a magical night at a house overlooking the Pacific Ocean and after spending a few hours talking and dancing we spent some quality time together on the beach. I drove home ecstatic making wedding plans in my head. When I called her the next day I got a Mexican family who barely spoke enough English to tell me I had the wrong number. I called Mrs. TV producer and asked about the girl at her party but there were a lot of young actresses there and she couldn't help me. I hit the wall and screamed at the sky, "Why me?"

Last week I was deep in the $11 rebuy on Stars. The night before I had played the same tourney and ended up in 29th when my AK lost to an all-in call by an AQ and I felt I was due some good luck at the end of this one. With twenty-two left I had an average stack and was patiently waiting for a good hand to double up with and I found it when I got pocket queens on the button. The big stack was in the big blind so I thought I would just make a standard raise so it would look like a steal and maybe get him to push. It worked just like I wanted and he pushed with A9 off and I insta-called. I liked my odds a lot until the flop came 992 and two cards later I was out in 22nd. I took a deep breath and as I let it out whispered, "Why me?"

I typed in "gla" and exited as gracefully as I could, but inside I was eight sitting in a mound of wrapping paper and twenty-five hanging up the phone again. I wondered if I had learned anything about coping with disappointment in 45 years or if I just learned to act like I didn't care. The truth is that unless you have hardened your heart so much that you are completely unfeeling, you are always going to be upset if you don't get what you want. It's hard to fight human nature.

There is an old saying that goes, "Fight a battle you can win." So, if it is impossible not to feel the disappointment, then allow yourself to feel it. Instead work on how you react to it. Instead of lashing out at the player who sucked out on you to send you to the rail, have enough self-control to say "gla" and leave. Then, away from the table, console yourself with the truth that you played well and that over the long run those donkey calls by bad opponents will win you many chips.

The worst thing you can do is allow things you cannot control to affect things you can control. I won't lie to you and pretend that it is easy. Patience and self-control are hard things to master, but well worth the effort. Once you can take the disappointment in stride and still be on top of your game three things will happen. First, you will feel better about yourself and those good feelings will help to ease your pain. Second, you will be better able to see life and poker in the long-term, big-picture kind of outlook that both require for success. And lastly, once you achieve that success, it will be all the sweeter for you lack of bitterness about the past. As for me, I now play with my son on his Hot Wheels set, I have a beautiful wife who loves me, and I'm hoping to have my good hands hold up this summer in the WSOP main event.

March 2008 Recap

3/29/08
tried a little cash game for a change. managed to double up, then took these three beats (not saying they were "bad" beats or that i played them right):
http://www.pokerhand.org/?2351784
http://www.pokerhand.org/?2351786
http://www.pokerhand.org/?2351788
but was fortunate to get it all back and more on this hand:
http://www.pokerhand.org/?2351862

3/28/08
3/45 ITM
brought my "A" game to this my favorite tournament. made some key lay downs to make it deep. down to 3 i pick my spot perfectly against an Opp that has raised all in 9 out of the last 10 orbits as the big stack. here's the beat: http://www.pokerhand.org/?2347327. sorry blogfans, i can't play any better than this. i just won't ever win one of these things.

busted a couple of token satellites while watching the Kansas-Villanova game.

3/22/08
112/1258 ITM
was doing well with an above average stack, then this horrible beat by a total donkey http://www.pokerhand.org/?2309179. then another beat, but i have myself to blame. if you want to know how NOT to play a set against two pair / flush draw, take a look http://www.pokerhand.org/?2309185
2/18 ITM token
3/18 ITM token

3/18/2008
2/45 ITM
played well. getting KK and AA down the stretch is always nice. had some other tough decisions with medium pairs that i laid down - not sure if the forum gurus would agree with this. heads up i was out-stacked 4-1 and fought back to near even, but lost on a horrible beat with a dominating hand on the river. i never came back. of course i've still never won one of these. gg to my foe who played HU great.
3/45 ITM
this final table was tough, with all 6 having great stats. very fun chatting, and the guys came to the other table to rail me. it was a riot actually having fans root for me.

played good poker tonight. finishing ITM concurrently sure does make the game fun again. think i'll take a few nights off to finish my taxes.

3/17/2008
whiffed 0/3 tonight.

3/16/2008
Finished ITM 3/4 tries last night. Not high finishes however. Still losing as the favorite, and disappointment abounds. I am continually on the lookout for articles that relate poker to real life, and today I found this article very helpful http://www.realpokertraining.com/articles.php?blog=view&id=74 but I'm not sure if one needs to register in order to read it. Give it a try.

I'm very happy for a buddy's buddy taking down the WSOP circuit event at Caesar's Atlantic City. A short write up is here: http://www.pokernews.com/news/2008/03/wsopc-atlantic-city-day-3-sheets-eric-haber-wins.htm.

Homeys M.B., B.S., and B.D. continue to pull off nice sized wins both online and live.

3/4/08
SBOP II
i came into tonight's game nearly asleep, having put my son to bed just five minutes prior. there were some new faces, and the chatting was lively. some key hands/observations:
1. from SB i complete with J8o, and i check 88x flop with two others. i check-raise the turn and take the pot from BB. however BB then goes on a maniacal streak of raising me nearly every hand. i have not seen him before and have no idea what his range is. he bet me off of 5-6 hands, but finally VCDuke came to my rescue and busted him. when i finally got to see some hands he was playing, i realized his range and knew i was ahead most of the time.
2. i called a daozi shove with TT - there's no way i'm doing that when my head is clear. i have to know i 'm behind there, but somehow i just clicked the mouse. i have no other explanation. i turn a set to beat his QQ to occupy first place, but i played this hand poorly.
3. blinds 150/300, EP (nemesis) calls, LP calls, I shove AKs. EP big stack calls, LP folds. EP shows 66 and it holds up. i bust at 10/21.

we were delighted to have online pro "sheets" join us, and his sidekick JohnnyBax made a cameo appearance to plug http://www.pokerxfactor.com/. sheets played quite well, losing heads up with this bad beat http://www.pokerhand.org/?2214924 to my grammar school buddy njnick, who tanked for a very long time before calling. the heads up match lasted very long for online standards, and both held 2:1 chip leads at various times. VCDuke defended nobly by cashing third. there were two notable absences from the Main Line Poker Club: "squasher" and "ITT PlaysYa".
1. njnick 2. sheets. 3. vcduke
looking forward to april.

3/2/08
whiffed 0-3 starting the month off poorly. homeys continue to win online.

poor joe shambles - the guy plays down to heads up out of 20,000 entrants to face Annette_15, and is good on the turn. hey, i've taken some bad rivers, but never for a 10K prize differential.

Annette_15: raises 599999 to 999999
joeshambles: raises 2200001 to 3200000
Annette_15: raises 34913020 to 38113020 and is all-in
joeshambles: calls 18606980 and is all-in
*** FLOP *** [Th 9d Qh]
*** TURN *** [Th 9d Qh] [Ad]
*** RIVER *** [T 9 Q A ] [6 ]
*** SHOW DOWN *** joeshambles: shows [A T ] (two pair, Aces and Tens)
Annette_15: shows [6 6 ] (three of a kind, Sixes)

So I've been playing less and watching some online pros more. I haven't noticed anything spectacular - they lose with the same hands I do, they choose their spots the same as I do. I have some new ideas of when to get my chips in from these observations.

I'm resting for Tuesday night private PokerStars tourney with "friends" - that is, they are friends until they bust me. I'm also resting for WSOP circuit event Friday at Caesars.

3/1/08
I'm thinking of trying a new format - just one monthly recap including online, home game, and casino tournaments. I'll add the newer stuff at the top, in reverse-chronological order, so that people stopping by will know right away if there is something new. If this doesn't work I'll revert back to a single post for each event.

Main Line Poker Club 10 March 2008

Results:
Game #1: 1) W.E. 2) J.S. 3)
Game #2: 1) D.O. 2) R.W. 3) J.S.
Game #3: 1) J.S. 2) 3)
Game #4: 1) J.S.

Atlantic City March 7-8 2008

I was gifted an entry fee into event #3 of the WSOP Circuit Event at Caesars (action photo here) . Although I was still in the throes of coping with Brett Favre's retirement, I was well rested and full of confidence. My table was nothing short of horrible. I've never seen such bad play at this buy-in. One player, who seemed vaguely familiar from other tourneys I've played, was playing what seemed to be any two cards. A few young kids were just ghastly.

After level 1 I had built my starting 4K stack to 5K. A new arrival took a beat and was left short stacked. He limps UTG and I wake up with KK from LP. I raise 5BB to put him nearly all in. He thinks it over and calls with TJo. He flopps trip tens and fills up on the river - I'm down to nearly 4K. A few hands later in the same orbit I get KK again and raise it 3.5BB. Mr. ATC calls. Flop comes 86x two diamonds. I put him on a flush and/or straight draw, and bet the pot - he calls. The turn is blank and I'm not feeling comfortable about the draw, so I shove AI. He calls and shows 86 for two pair. I'm crippled at 250. The very next hand I pick up JJ only to run into AA and I'm out in just 80 minutes.

I quickly race over to Showboat to enter the 2pm. A small field of only 54. I'm super tilting, so very first hand I get a LP limper and I raise with ATd in CO. There are two callers to see a flop of A8A. LP caller bets, I RR, and LP caller goes AI. I call and she shows A8 for a boat. Turn is no help but river is a ten. I double up on the very first hand. I play fairly straight-forward and stay above average stacked. Down to two tables I race my JJ against AK and double up. I later triple up when JJ holds up against AK and 88. I reach the final table in reasonable shape. Things go up and down for me until we're on the bubble. I pick up QQ in the small blind and want the big blind to commit chips. Rather than shove I make a small raise. BB says she reads me for weakness and shoves Q6d, my QQ holds up. We pay off the bubble and we then slug it out for a good
while. At four, we are all tired and starving so we chop, albeit not as equitably as it should have been. Two of the regulars give me a hard time about taking care of shorty, who walks away with more than he should have. I have a slight chip lead so I technically take first, a milestone for me and a good confidence builder. I would have liked to play it out but my true love, eating, was calling.

I bolt over to the Taj for my reservation at the Indian restuarant. Homey I.B. is late so I'm there alone - literally, I'm the only one in the place. I would soon find out why. My tomato soup was actually Campbells (I know that taste) with some red pepper in it. The vegetable samosas were not fresh, and the lamb saag was bland. Two enthusiastic thumbs down for Royal Albert's Indian Palace.

I hook up with I.B. and we play ring games at the Trop until I drag him away at 1am after my KK loses to 88 to bust me. I'm unable to convince I.B. to get some sleep, so in the spirit of Stu Unger, he pulls an all-nighter at Caesars. His average nightly sleep over the past week is about the value of Pi to 7 decimal places - there must be a team of scientists somewhere dying to study this grinder. I commit to playing the 11:15 Trop tournament (86 entrants) and I convince I.B. to join me, who agrees in his vegetated state. However at this point I don't know if his yes means yes or if he even understands the question. I see him register, but then he's gone, and then I see him sitted at the next table. I bare down and commit myself to not playing a single hand until the antes kick in at round 4 (ala Stu Unger), but I'm reading the table so well that I make good strides even with nothing. I pick my spots well and my premium hands hold up when I need them, and I make a good lay down or two. Down to 22 I have a reasonable 65K but at 18 I'm at 45K. At 14 I'm at 28K with blinds at 3000/6000/1000 when I pick up QQ. I shove all in and I get no callers, putting me back up to ~46K. I show the QQ. Next orbit there is a button raise of about 20K from an Opp who has picked on my blinds for the last couple orbits. I know him from our original table and he has shown down both quality and wide ranges. I look down at A9s and decide I want to play for the win and come over the top. He deliberates then calls with 22, which holds up and I'm out. The players pay the bubble which soon pops and the final table of 10 is set with I.B. in the chip lead. He and the others eventually chop at 5. The ride home I think about the A9 vs 22 and making the final table. What does it mean to "play for the win" if you know there will be a chop at 3 or 5? With nearly 4-5 equal stacks to mine, I wonder if a shove there is right, especially considering the 11th spot (just 3 away) was paid bubble money. I guess I have to live with my decision. 14/86 isn't bad, but finishing ITM twice would have been a nice way to wrap up the trip.

The Polish Open starts March 10, and I am not happy that I have to miss that event. I have such fond memories of Poland and was only able to see Warsaw briefly in 1988. The situation there at that time was much different than it is today. I'll never forget one man's solution to reversing his country's dire situation, as he shared with me these two easy steps:
1. Declare war on the United States
2. Surrender the next day
He told me that the Polish people wanted all of our generals to come into Poland - General Motors, General Mills, General Foods. Well, it took a long time but at last they're there. But I'll have to wait for another time to enjoy their humor and borsch - until then, I have a home game tonight.