Dealing With Disappointment - David Eisenstein

this is a cut-and-paste of an article orginally posted at but it has so revolutionized my thinking and character that i want to have a personaly copy kept around long after it's outdated and purged from the host site. i'm hoping the author will understand that i'm not stealing anything, but rather i'm honoring him with this tremendous article.

Dealing With Disappointment - David Eisenstein. March 18, 2008
When I was eight I wanted a Hot Wheels racetrack set for my birthday. I made very sure my parents knew I wanted this by reminding them every day for months beforehand. I could hardly sleep the night before as I imagined playing with my new toy. I raced through the day, hardly pausing to breathe much less enjoy my party and my friends and relatives who gathered to celebrate. After the cake I ripped up wrapping paper as quickly as I could but a small hill of paper and a few boxes later I was done and there was no Hot Wheels set. I think I moped around the house whining and crying "Why me?" for at least a week afterwards.

When I was twenty-five I met the girl of my dreams. I was living in Los Angeles and I worked part-time as a private tutor for some children of movie biz insiders and so I got to go to some big deal parties. I met her on a magical night at a house overlooking the Pacific Ocean and after spending a few hours talking and dancing we spent some quality time together on the beach. I drove home ecstatic making wedding plans in my head. When I called her the next day I got a Mexican family who barely spoke enough English to tell me I had the wrong number. I called Mrs. TV producer and asked about the girl at her party but there were a lot of young actresses there and she couldn't help me. I hit the wall and screamed at the sky, "Why me?"

Last week I was deep in the $11 rebuy on Stars. The night before I had played the same tourney and ended up in 29th when my AK lost to an all-in call by an AQ and I felt I was due some good luck at the end of this one. With twenty-two left I had an average stack and was patiently waiting for a good hand to double up with and I found it when I got pocket queens on the button. The big stack was in the big blind so I thought I would just make a standard raise so it would look like a steal and maybe get him to push. It worked just like I wanted and he pushed with A9 off and I insta-called. I liked my odds a lot until the flop came 992 and two cards later I was out in 22nd. I took a deep breath and as I let it out whispered, "Why me?"

I typed in "gla" and exited as gracefully as I could, but inside I was eight sitting in a mound of wrapping paper and twenty-five hanging up the phone again. I wondered if I had learned anything about coping with disappointment in 45 years or if I just learned to act like I didn't care. The truth is that unless you have hardened your heart so much that you are completely unfeeling, you are always going to be upset if you don't get what you want. It's hard to fight human nature.

There is an old saying that goes, "Fight a battle you can win." So, if it is impossible not to feel the disappointment, then allow yourself to feel it. Instead work on how you react to it. Instead of lashing out at the player who sucked out on you to send you to the rail, have enough self-control to say "gla" and leave. Then, away from the table, console yourself with the truth that you played well and that over the long run those donkey calls by bad opponents will win you many chips.

The worst thing you can do is allow things you cannot control to affect things you can control. I won't lie to you and pretend that it is easy. Patience and self-control are hard things to master, but well worth the effort. Once you can take the disappointment in stride and still be on top of your game three things will happen. First, you will feel better about yourself and those good feelings will help to ease your pain. Second, you will be better able to see life and poker in the long-term, big-picture kind of outlook that both require for success. And lastly, once you achieve that success, it will be all the sweeter for you lack of bitterness about the past. As for me, I now play with my son on his Hot Wheels set, I have a beautiful wife who loves me, and I'm hoping to have my good hands hold up this summer in the WSOP main event.